"Pickman's Modem"

by Lawrence Watt-Evans

originally published Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine, February, 1992

George Polushkin hangs out on message boards, wasting way too much of his time.  Another frequent flyer is Henry Pickman, an inarticulate schlub without much of a life.

Pickman drops off for a bit due to technical difficulties, but returns once he acquires a new 2400 baud (!!!!!) modem - an off-brand, second-hand made by Miskatonic Data Systems, serial number RILYEH.

Strangely, after acquiring this modem, Pickman's postings suddenly become eloquent and sophisticated.  He also gets into endless flamewars which he dominates with his verbal acuity.

George drops in on Pickman and finds him just as dumb and hopeless as always, and can't figure why his posts have become so intelligently-written.

Then Pickman drops off again.  One night, George gets an e-mail from Pickman, this time with his usual lack of grammar and bad spelling.  Pickman complains that his modem - which he has unplugged (he's using a borrowed one) is angry with him, and watching him!  Soon after a fire wipes out Pickman, his apartment, and the evil modem.

I'm sorry but this is just plain a silly tale, competently told but pointless.