Warning

WARNING! These reviews all contain SPOILERS!!!!

Sunday, October 12, 2025

"The Nameless Offspring"

by Clark Ashton Smith

 originally published Strange Tales of Mystery and Terror, June 1932 

30 years ago Lady Agatha Tremoth pulled a Madeline Usher.  It seems she suffered from catalepsy but this time she was really a goner.  So her hubby John stuck her in the family tomb.  Oops!  A short time later she was wide awake and screaming.  And somehow had gotten the heavy coffin lid off of her, a neat trick since she was skinny and frail ... hmmm.  Anyway she kept claiming to have woken up to find something white and inhuman staring her in the face.  Well no one takes that too seriously.  But nine months later she dies giving birth to something distinctly not human.  And Sir John, so the story goes, locked it away in an iron-barred room in his manor and became a complete recluse.

Lo these 30 years later Henry Chaldane, son of Arthur, an old school friend of Sir John's, is making a motorcycle tour through England and gets caught in a pea-soup fog.  Stopping for directions and/or help, he comes across - surprise!  Tremoth Manor.  Henry is welcomed by Harper, Sir John's one remaining servant, and Sir John himself, who insists he spend the night, even though he must forgive the inhospitable nature of his house.  While being led to his room, Henry passes the infamous locked door, and hears something inside cut loose with a horrible scream. 

Henry spends a pretty sleepless night, listening to the thing in the locked room clawing at the walls.  He's also troubled by the fact that he saw Harper carrying what appeared to be putrescent meat up to feed it.  And by Sir John letting out with a loud groan during the wee hours.

Well Harper wakes Henry up late the next morning.  It seems Sir John snuffed it during the night.  He left some very specific instructions that he be cremated on a funeral pyre on the estate.  And Harper is to watch over him until that time.  So Henry volunteers to head into town and scare up some help for tomorrow.

Back at the manor, Harper asks Henry to sit up with him next to Sir John's corpse, to which he reluctanrly agrees.  But that thing is clawing at the wall again and before you can say "Abdul Alhzared" it's torn its way in - he gets only a glimpse of something white with canine fangs and clawed hands that goes on all fours - and then it's on Sir John, getting shot in the process and knocking over candles, thus starting a blaze.  So Henry gets Harper out and the two follow the clawed footprints from the house to the family crypt, wherein they lost track of whatever it was.

Man this thing's gothic with a capital "G".  And a lot of fun.  A very dark old house Poe mystery with a does of Lovecraftian ghoul-grue thrown in for good measure.  Hardly a classic but like I said, a lot of fun.




Saturday, October 11, 2025

"Bells of Horror"

by Henry Kuttner 

Originally published  Strange Stories, April 1939  

Ross is the secretary of the California Historical Society, and he gets an excited call one day from the society prez, Arthur Todd.  It seems they've found the long-missing bells of Mission San Xavier stuffed away in a cave.  

But these bells have a funky backstory.  It seems they were cast with the help of some native american magic, courtesy of the Mutsune tribe, and it is warned if the bells are rung it will bring "the terror of the night".  Well, fuck these native superstitions.  And fuck the fact that the local Mexicans won't get get the third bell out of the cave.   Will Ross come and help?  Sure!

But Ross finds a local Mexican kid who will give him directions but not guide him.  The kid's scared.  So Ross has to hike most of the way.  Along the trail he encounters a big toad that's somehow managed to knock one of its own eyes out on a rock.  Suddenly Ross is rubbing his own burning eyes way too hard.  

Ross arrives at the cabin just in time for a workman who's apparently gouged out his own eyes to come running out screaming and die in front of Arthur and Denton, Arthur's #2 guy.  It seems everyone's having trouble with their eyes burning so bad it's driving them insane.  They've also found a cylinder with a parchement inside.  It's a signed account by Junipero Serra requestin the bells be sent to Rome, noting that when they were rung, a demon called Zu-che-quon was released and caused all kinds of trouble.  They head out to the cave only to find Sarto, the guy they left in charge has hung the bells by a rope from some trees.  Startled by their arrival he drops the rope and gets his head bashed in by one of the falling bells.

Back in civilization the bells are scheduled to be hung.  Denton has found some correspondences to the bell legends in The Book of Iod.  But c'mon, no one believes this superstitious crap, right?  All the same, its getting really cold out.  And there's an earthquake.  But none of this will stop the bells being hung at San Xavier!

The bells are rung - and everything plunges into darkness.  And another quake.  Everyone starts to freak out.  Denton leads Ross into the museum, but a voice in his head is urging him to put out his eyes and the burning sensation is overwhelming.  Then Denton's trying to put his eyes out.  Suddenly the shaking lessens and the darkness begins to lift.  One of the bells has been silenced.

But, the curse of Zu-Che-Quon is not so easily dismissed.  Not long after, Denton is found dead with his eyes gouged out.

This is an average pulp horror story with some decidedly unpleasant elements.  Nothing special but by now Kuttner had left imitation behind and had his own voice and interests.







"The Room in the Castle" by Ramsey Campbell

by Ramsey Campbell     

Originally published The Inhabitant of the Lake and Less Welcome Tenants, Arkham House, 1964

Parry is on a mission of mercy for his Buddy Scott, to look up some totally boring historical info at the British Museum.  Since he has to wait for his books and Harry Potter hasn't been invented yet, he decides to kill some time browsing their copy of The Necronomicon.

Well after freaking himself out a bit, he gets the books he came there for and starts making his notes.  But he begins to notice some stuff in the local legends that recalls some of the things he'd been reading earlier.  Specifically a centuries-old account of a haunted area of the woods near Brichester, where weird drumming and cries and roars are heard, and one local yokel apparently fell under the spell of a one-eyed puple people eater.  Allegedly a Sir Gilbert Morley, who was prone to "dark practices" came and took purple people eater away.

Along the way to Scott's place, he discovers a lot of the yokels still believe in something called "The Toad of Berkley", an evil thingie which was kept at bay by star-shaped symbols - not The Cross.  How very odd!

 Well back at Scott's he talks about how he'd like to check out Morley's castle, which is supposed to be in the vicinity.  Scott encourages him not to do so, saying that these old legends are not to be so easily dismissed and there is something up there.  Parry rudely ridicules him and the next day he's off to the castle, to which Scott has begrudgingly given him directions.

Most of its crumbled but he does find his way into the dungeons, where he finds a cube covered in black crud, which he wipes off to discover a bunch of symbols like the ones he found in The Necronomicon.  

But oops!  By picking up that cube he broke the enchantment keeping the thing Morley trapped in the dungeons - Byatis - the serpent-bearded (so named cuz he's got a face full of tentacles), who starts poking out his tentacles trying to grab Parry, who wisely gets his ass out of there, realizing that Morley had stuck Byatis under the castle wherein he/it had grown so huge he couldn't get out!

Pretty slight stuff from Campbell, an amalgam of Lovecraft pastiche, "The Shunned House" and a bit of M.R. James thrown in for good measure.  The James touch is the best part of it and what just slightly elevates this one above the completely banal.  Campbell was an amateur who would become a professional and Derleth saw that.  Nonetheless this is probably the least of the stories in this early Campbell collection.




Thursday, October 9, 2025

"The Hunt"

By Henry Kuttner

 Originally published Strange Stories, June 1939  

Alvin Doyle, a crooked little creep, has sought out his cousin Will Benson, with the intent of bumping him off.  It seems Benson is heir to a fortune, and Alvin is the next in line.  If Benson goes...

Well fortunately (sorta) Will Benson is a froot loop who lives in an isolated cabin in the middle of nowhere and spends all his time studying creepy old occult books and trying to conjure up spooks.  And Alvin arrives, with a gun in his pants, just in time to help out Will in the process of calling up Iod, Hunter of Souls.

Well they go through the process until Alvin sees an opportunity and shoots Will, steals a bunch of stuff, messes things up so it looks like burglars broke in, and takes off, dreaming of his big fat inheritance to come.

Buuut, he gets so tired he pulls over and falls asleep in his car.  And dreams he's back in the cabin, having just killed Will, and a glowing green shape and some black, ropy thing are coming toward him.

He tries to run away and finds himself in an alien world, of crystalline shapes, and then another, a forest of living plants, and then a coliseum full of monsters, then a planet of black goop, then a planet of hard earth, then ice or glass, and finally an alien city full of monstrosities.  All the time pursued by the glowing shape.

He wakes up in his car.  Momentarily relieved, unti he sees the glow is still after him, and now he's definitely not dreaming.  He gets a good look at the glowing shape, which is so horrible it takes Kuttner three adjective-laden paragraphs to not actually describe it.  In any case it sucks Alvin's soul out, which leaves his body lifeless but his consciousness still in it.  Which means he gets to experience being found, pronounced dead, and buried.

Well, it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

This isn't a bad story but its a bit slight.  It's as much as crime story as it is supernatural horror, and written as such, which makes it kind of an odd and interesting hybrid.  There's not a lot to it and Kuttner was still finding his legs with handling some of the more Lovecraft-y touches, but it's a fun read.




Wednesday, October 8, 2025

"The Invaders"


By Henry Kuttner  


Originally published 

Strange Stories, February 1939   

Michael Hayward is a writer.  Actually he's a riff off H.P. Lovecraft himself.  His friend Gene, a reporter and a mutual friend have come to visit him at his cottage near Santa Barbara.  And man are the seagull's noisy.  

Well the visit gets weird as Hayward is really agitated, and says he's being attacked.  Things get weirder when Gene grabs what he thinks is a weird vine outside the window and it pulls itself away from him.  It seems Hayward's place has been under siege by these things, which hang out and screetch like weird birds, and look like - well, I dunno, Kuttner describes them as obnoxious and gross beach ball monsters.  He confesses he thinks he attracted these things via his use of a drug that allows him to vividly re-experience past lives, including pre-human lives, and that its the events that he experienced under the influence that allowed him to come up with his stories.

He also tells Bill and Gene its not safe to leave.  

Well the beach balls lay siege to the house, freaking everyone out and eventually chomping down Bill before Hayward remembers an incantation that sends them back.  Then he tosses the drug into the sea.

(which doesn't sound like such a great plan)

This is a lively and entertaining little tale but Kuttner doesn't quite get the tension of the men hiding in a house under siege by alien beasties.  Also said beasties come off more comical than scary the way Kuttner describes them.  Not bad though.






Sunday, October 5, 2025

"The Web of Easter Island"

By Donald Wandrei 

Originally published Arkham House, 1948  

In the British village of Isling, near an ancient road called The Vadia, little Willy Grant finds something odd in an old graveyard. we're never told much about it but it might be a "green stone".  His mom is not amused and informs him in no uncertain terms he's to return it to the graveyard the next day - or else!  Remember this was the 40's and you could still beat kids with impunity in them good ol' days.  But that night moms has a nightmare about a little gray Gollum-y thing skittering around a gravyard accidentally unleashing a bunch of giant titanic figures from the bowels of the earth.  She and her husband wake up to the sound of Willy's screams.  Running in, they find all that remains of him is a decayed mess.  Moms loses her mind and wanders the roads, clutching something in a bundle she won't let anyone see, while Pops just stays silent and sulky (and they don't mention to the neighbors what exactly happened to Willy, claiming he died in the fire Moms accidentally started while wigging out upon seeing her kid go all M. Valdemar on her. Needless to say this stirs up a lot of gossip).  During a big-ass storm, Moms babbles weird, unknown languages, and lightning strikes their house, causing another fire.  When the neighbors come to investigate, the Grants are in pretty much the same state as Willy was ("greenish corrupton").  Oh and no sign of whatever it was she had in her bundle.

This weird tale reaches one Carter E. Graham, curator of the Ludbury Museum of Archaelogy and Anthropology and all-around slug (he's done a lot of exciting research and he'll write it all down and publish it, someday ... maybe) via the newpaper.  The image Willy found interests him very much - "can it be"? he wonders aloud in a blurt of pulpish droologue.  Off he runs to Isling to check out that old graveyard.  Digging around he finds an image, vaguely described, of greenish-gray stone that seems to shift and change form while he looks at it.  Holding it makes him feel displaced in time, frightened, and depressed, all at once.  He keeps digging and finds a slab with characters on it, the like of which he's never seen before.  Then the slab moves, or changes, revealing a tunnel into the earth that smells like a tomb.  Then it goes back to its slab-state.  Graham heads back for London, thinking lots of deep thoughts about the image, the slab and what it all might mean.

Cleaning the image, he finds some writings on its base, identical to the ones on the slab, and comes to believe they're some kind of astronomical chart. Later that night on the train home, he hears a weird chanting in the distance, the same burble Mrs Grant was burbling.  The train crashes and Graham loses his bags, including the image, as he's knocked out.

When he wakes up, he's in a hospital, where a nurse he terrorizes with ludicrous psuedo-intellectual bullshit informs him he's undergone surgery for a skull fracture and a concussion, which she deems "minor".  He spends his recovery time dwelling on the image and how he must somehow get it back.  He also learns the reason for the train wreck is completely unknown, and that he's the only survivor.  Efforts to find his bag with the image are fruitless, so he goes back to the graveyard, unearths the slab again, and takes pictures of it.  He calls up an old colleague to check out the pics.   His old colleague Alton is so entranced by the writings - a combination of Sanskrit and "the Ulonga chant", that he pretty much forgets Graham is even there, so Graham heads back to his hotel and reads the paper, wherein he learns that a ship has disappeared at sea, after being reported to have been enveloped in a "greenish mist".  

Wandrei then decides to confuse us by hopping from Graham's story, and timeline, over to one concerning Dan Farrell, who was on the now-missing ship, but also on the ill-fated train (wasn't Graham supposed to have been the only survivor?).  And so we begin Chapt. 4 with a disoriented Dan stumbling around in the wreckage of the train and a buncha messed-up corpses.  Dan's none too happy about being in a train crash, especially since its going to make him late for the ship he needs to catch to the US.  And boy does he need to catch it cause he just murdered his wife and needs to get the hell outta Merrie Olde like now.  He doesn't give a damn that his luggage is buried under train wreck debris, but he wants to look normal while he's boarding that boat, so he grabs the first handy-looking bag that happens to be lying around among train parts and body parts.  And wouldn't you know it - it's Graham's bag!  He fucks around London (we're even treated to a detailed description of his breakfast menu - and boy does Danny have an apperite!), eventually boarding his ship.  There he notices a smokin' hot chick with two-tone hair (in the 40's!?!) checking him out with a full-on come-rip-my-clothes-off-big-boy look.  So natch he goes and chats her up, using the hair as an icebreaker.  They proceed to have a coy conversation that's pretty much a textbook example of how not to make small-talk with a woman and perhaps answers the question as to why Wandrei was a lifelong bachelor, but in any case Dan learns her name is Joane Marsh and she might be married - she doesn't know!  That latter turns out to be not as absurd as it sounds - it seems her husband Thomas disappeared without a trace about a year ago.  Hmmm.  How convenient.  Dinner and drinks is on.

Dan drops by Joane's luxurious cabin and we're treated to what passes for a "sexy" scene as written by a Lovecraft-obsessed Weird Tales pulp writer and some-time surreal/gothic/cosmic horror poet - i.e. it's pretty damn hilarious.  Then dinner with a lot more coy dialog.  They make plans to meet again for dancing in a bit.  Dan goes back to his cabin and finally opens Graham's bag, being a little surprised at what he finds.  He removes the bundled-up image and tosses the bag out the porthole.  He unwraps the image and it freaks him out, but somehow he finds himself unable to toss it out the porthole, so he makes his way out to the decks intending to toss it over the side as soon as he can get some momentary privacy.  Unable to achieve such a moment, he conceals the bundled image under a firehose.  

We're then treated to another lengthy scene of Dan getting ready for his hot date, finally interrupted when Joane shows up, calling him "Tom" in her sexiest voice.  Now things get really weird as Joane reveals to no particular surprise to us readers that she offed her hubby.  Dan goes to retrieve the image but finds Joane already has it and is in bed with it(!) and chanting those same weird chants we've encountered before.  Things get pretty damn weird between these two mariticidal (that's a real word!) lovers before the ship finally vanishes, in the aforementioned cloud of greenish mist.

Graham, bright fellow that he is, deduces the idol must have been on the ship.  So he muses about where it might be now.  He decides to go back to Isling, taking with him Bjort Liska, a young archeologist from the museum staff, and Tom, the janitor's son, cuz he's strong and reliable even if he is a dumbass.  After lunch and a pointless debate about eating in graveyards, Graham starts digging away.  Soon he's uncovered the great slab door and gotten it "open".  With Tom handling the ropes at the other end, Bjort and Graham lower themselves down into the mysterious shaft.  After a long trip they come to the bottom, which is filled with skeletons.  Bjort determines these are fine specimens of cro-magnons, and under them neanderthals, piltdowns, flintstones, rubbles ... the whole history of human evolution.  After three hours they decide to go back.  Just in time for the rope to suddenly snap and fall.  Reacting with superhuman calm, Bjort and Graham decide to see if there might be another way out.  After some digging, they find a tunnel and Graham explores it.  Eventually he eperiences another hallucinogenic episode, shapes changing and realities shifting.  Next thing he knows, he's waking up at Stonehenge.  He manages to make his way back to Isling and graveyard, where Thomas had simply nodded off.  He lowers himself down, but nothing is left of Bjort except his tools and some clothing items.  Graham begins to believe that this was a kind of trap set to lure the curious and investigative, and that Bjort fell vitim to it, the first human to do so in thousands of years.  Lucky Bjort!

Back home he finds a letter from Alton's secretary, informing him that Alton has snuffed it but not before writing out some papers and having them sent to Graham.  It seems he finally figured out the Isling characters, connected to two other unknown languages he discovered in Hyderabad and Africa.  After voicing the Isling sounds aloud, things got weird - the spatial distortions Graham experienced, weird chanting sounds, and then he bashed his head so hard he was bleeding to death.  Despite bleeding to death from a head injury, he was able to scribble this tiresomely long-winded last letter to Graham, and even sign it!  Also included is his partial translation, - an invocation to the "far titans" from the "great far beyond".

Meanwhile the news is grim - a black magic-related uprising in Africa, religious mania leading to riots in India, in New York an artist named Glen Kalen has committed suicide, after reporting a period of disturbing dreams and producing some striking but unpleasant paintings, including one a great greenish fog from which menacing figures seem to be emerging, a serial killer loose in San Francisco, another suicide, a young poet, who left behind a few lines involving the coming of the "titans", a catastrophic fire at a mental institution in Bavaria which led to the escape of a bunch of crazies, who left behind drawing of monsters crushing or eating people, and a pilot reporting seeing a greenish haze on Easter Island.  Graham sets off on another trip - presumably to Easter Island?

We're then treated to a lengthy autobiographical entry from Graham's diary, most of which has little-to-no relevance to the story (including his disastrous love life).   In the process we discover that some of the language of the translation ("Keeper of the Seal") Graham had in fact encountered before, in Tibet, years ago, along with some maps that seemed to depict the earth as it was millions of years ago, and including an unexplained line from where Easter Island would be to where Stonehenge would be.  At this point Graham reveals that he's long suspected human life may have developed due to the intervention of some alien intelligence, and that this is an idea he's been pursuing for a long time. And he thinks he's got his evidence now.  Interesting that he'd completely forgotten that previous discovery until now.

Easter Island is deserted - Graham has no clue where the natives went.  He explores the island, getting more freaked out by his isolation, the famous statues, and weird lights and sounds.  He's troubled by weird dreams of flying through space and being aware of incomprehensible alien intelligences.  He experiences apocalyptic visions of the "titans", or at least as he imagines them.  

Graham dreams of a barren, blasted land under a green sun, where eventually he comes across a forest. The forest is wild and full of strange and menacing trees and growth and half-glimpsed threatening life-forms.  He wanders on through forest, hills, an empty alien city, mountains till he comes to an area lit by a strange light.  There he's assailed by lights, sounds, winds, flames.  He wakes up - in a blackened wasteland under a green sun.  He wanders on, his perceptions of time, space and identity in flux. He ends up floating in a sea. A spaceship appears, lands in front of him, and a man steps out and speaks to him in an unknown language, then in several known ones.  He is led aboard the ship by this fellow, whose name is Moia Tohn, and shown a star chart (turns out he's still on earth) and a device that turns thoughts into visual images.  He learns he's moved forward in time almost 1.5 million years.  

As their guest, Graham catches up on the history of the last few millenia.  He learns the ways of this new world, so far removed from earth as we know it that it might as well be an alien planet.  He considers a form of voluntary suicide the people now have, but decides to stay and explore this new world.

What the fuck was this?

Wandrei was the great missing link of the "Lovecraft Circle".  Co-founder of Arkham House, close friend of HPL, frequently mentioned in Lovecraft bios, and still alive into the 1980's.  But his stories were near-impossible to find and (mostly) never made the lists of recognized Cthulhu Mythosa.  Unlike Derleth, Smith, Howard or even Frank B. Long there were no paperback collections out there to be had.  Wandrei was a great unknown.  

But, in the early 00's I did finally get some answers.  Thanks to a library copy of Don't Dream, a collection of Wandrei's supernatural and fantasy tales.  All of `em.  Now the truth could be known.  Wandrei didn't make the official Cthulhu lists because he never wrote anything specifically using the Lovecraft arcana.  Though many of his stories thematically align with Lovecraft (fantastic cosmic alien terrors), he went his own way.  More power to him on that.

As to the lack of availability of his stories, that one turned out to be even clearer.  He wasn't very good.

It's not that he never wrote anything good.  There are a handful of pretty good stories in Don't Dream.  But for 400 pages and the company he kept, could I be blamed for having expected more?  Nothing as memorable as Smith or Howard, about on a par with Long (maybe a notch or two below).  Yes, superior to Derleth's bad pastiches and hacked-out spook stories, but nothing as good as Derleth's actual best ("The Lonesome Place").  Anyway Don't Dream settled my Wandrei curiosity pretty much for good.  But I did seek this one out as well, via an interlibrary loan.  I read it, was disappointed, and then promptly forget everything about it except that I hadn't been that impressed.

Anyway you can now read it on The Internet Archive if you don't want to shell out $70-$150 for a copy.  Which, in case you haven't guessed, I don't recommend.  

This isn't a terrible book.  But if I had to pick one word, it's amateurish.  Wandrei had talent as a wordsmith. His best fantasy writings are some very short (two pages or so) "prose poems" which have no real plot but are just exercises in descriptive spookiness and atmosphere.  And Web has several bits of that.  The opening chapter is really effective mini-horror story and sets the scene for some good stuff.  The last part of the shipboard romance interlude, with Joane moaning in the bed with the image is quite bizarre and weird.  The descriptions of the spatial distortions people experience when handling the idol, and Graham's experience in the underground chamber are completely effective and the kind of thing Lovecraft was often trying for and missing.  And Graham's journey through the dark forest is terrific, spooky and otherworldy.  

But then, side-by-side with it is truly bad pulp writing.  The whole shipboard flirtation is embarassing. Not to mention the absurd coincidence of two people who've murdered their spouses meeting on a ship and falling for each other.   Needless descriptions - a whole phone conversation written out, a detailed account of what Dan had for breakfast, are silly distractions.  Bjort and Graham's blase reaction to being trapped in the chambers (they don't even seem concerned about what might have happened to Tom), and of course Alton taking time to write out all his notes and sign them(!) while bleeding to death (why didn't he just go to the fucking ER???) is hilarious.  

The other problem is Wandrei was all over the map with his story.  Having the Grant's tale as a lead-in/prologue works fine, but the switch from Graham to Dan is abrupt and confusing.  Even moreso is the sudden insertion of Graham's autobiography which adds nothing except to tell us at length that he's a sad sack and always has been.  And the fact that his having encountered the alien script before just apparently slipped his mind is pretty absurd too.

Then finally, in the last couple chapters, the story just veers off into another direction.  Nothing is actually resolved and all the unsettling buildup is just dropped.  What were the titans and what was the culmination of these apocalyptic visions?  Ah, never mind.  Let's just go tripping off with my new future pals.

The story is that Wandrei originally started this book in the 30's, couldn't find a publisher (not surprising as it isn't very good), then shelved it, did some revisions and got it published through Arkham House, which he was a co-founder of, after all.  I don't know how much of the book is from the 1930's draft (which has since been published but I'm not interested enough to investigate), but it definitely seems as if Wandrei forgot where he was going so he wrote a resolution based on wherever his mind was at in the late 40's, without regard for any continuity with the rest of the book.

It's interesting to note how many other works this story recalls, both precursors and antecedents. There are echoes of "The Call of Cthulhu" (research into antiquities revealing ancient horrors, a wave of madness and nightmares affecting nearly everyone), "The Shadow Out Of Time" (a detailed, and frankly dull description of an alien culture of the future), and shadows of Colin Wilson's The Philosopher's Stone and Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End and "The Sentinel".  But Lovecraft, Wilson, and Clarke all did far more with these ideas.

All in all it's an interesting oddity with a few good moments.  But nothing more.





  






"The Tale of Satampra Zeiros"

by Clark Ashton Smith  


Originally published Weird Tales, November 1931   

Satampra Zeiros and his buddy Tirouv Ompallios are thieves living in the city of Uzuldaroum, current capital of Hyperborea.  Lately the thieving business hasn't been so hot, and they're down to just enough cash to get drunk in the hopes it will inspire a new heist scheme.  So that's what they do.

The booze kicks in and Satampra does indeed come up with a plan.  A day's journey away is the former capital, Commorium.  It seems Commorium was completely abandoned (in a single day!) centuries ago, and is now a ghost-city, slowly being absorbed into the surrounding jungle, a place everyone is afraid to go.  So afraid that the treasures of the old kings and such are still there, gathering dust.  Why don't they go snag it?

Agreeing this is an excellent idea, the two best buds head out the next day and head for Commorium, stealing from everyone they meet.  Finally their path takes them into an increasingly thick and menacing jungle, where everything's extreme - trees, flowers, and even beasties that watch them as they make their way through the creepers into Commorium.  The jungle is so dark and spooky that they start to get a little freaked out, so they get drunk again on some stolen booze and are soon convinced nothing can stand in their way.  So even though its dark when they arrive at Commorium, they plow on ahead.  

Commorium is well=preserved but utterly empty.  They explore the deserted streets until coming across a non-desrcipt square building they recognize as a temple.  Must be good stuff in there!  They head in.

The temple turns out to be a temple to Tsathoggua, and contains nothing but an unadorned stature of Toad Boy and a big-ass metal basin on three legs sitting in the middle of the room.  While looking over that statue and getting pissed at its lack of bejewelment, they begin to notice a nasty stink coming from the basin.  Unwisely deciding to go look, they find it full of black gloop - which seems to be moving.  The gloop suddenly forms itself into a liquid monster with "malignant" eyes which comes slithering out after them.  Wisely, S and T decide the thing to do is run like hell.  

They flee all night, with the monster chasing and seemingly toying with, them.  By dawn they realize they've been running in a circle as they arrive back at the temple.  Seeing no better choice, they run inside and slam and bolt the door. But the gloop monster finds some holes to slither in through, and now it's back in the (now-locked) room with them.  Satampra shouts "farwell, Tirouv Ompallios" - which translates into "you're on your own sucker!" and hides behind the statue.  Tirouv, having no other choices, tries to hide in the basin.  The gloop monster transforms itself into one big mouthy shape and swallows him, then goes to sleep in the basin.

After noting that it hasn't moved or made a sound for awhile, Satampra decides to split, sneaking over to the door and shooting the bolt - which makes enough noise to wake the gloop, which launches a tentacle, grabbing Satampra's wrist as he tries to flee.  He manages to escape - but now minus a hand.

What makes this little fable work is Smith's flowery language, his ability to vividly conjure up fantastic imaginary worlds and scenes, and his sarcastic humor.  Satampra is your basic classic loveable scumbag, and his willingness to throw his beloved boon companion under the bus at the first sign of being eaten by a cosmic gloop monster is priceless.  Not much plot here but a lot of fun!