Warning

WARNING! These reviews all contain SPOILERS!!!!
Showing posts with label 1970s. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1970s. Show all posts

Saturday, October 5, 2024

"The Hoofed Thing" aka "Usurp the Night" by Robert E. Howard

 


originally published Weirdbook #3, 1970

Michael Strang lives in an unnamed suburb and has a fiance named Marjory.  It seems Marjory's a bit upset right now because her fat Maltese cat Bozo has disappeared.  And so have a bunch of other cats in the neighborhood lately.  So Michael decides to play Good Boyfriend and goes out looking for Bozo, albeit without much hope or seeming enthusiasm.

He decides to make his first stop at the home of his relatively new neighbor, a dude named John Stark whom Michael has never met or even seen.  It seems Stark is recluse and potentially a creep.  And his house is pretty run down.  But what the hell?  Stark turns out to be a creepy-looking old coot with a beak nose and a club foot.  He doesn't know anything about the cat but invites Michael in for a drink anyway.  It seems Stark is one pretty interesting guy and he shares Strang's interest in anthropology, a subject he knows a lot about.

Well, Bozo never does turn up but Michael gets Marjory a bulldog "with the face of a gargoyle" to make up for it.  She names it Bozo, though it seems to me Michael might be more deserving of such an appellation than the dog.  Meanwhile Michael takes to hanging out at Stark's place cuz Stark knows all kindsa stuff about all kindsa things.  The only disconcerting note is that there's something going on upstairs at his place.  It sounds like some kind of animal is scrabbling around up there.  Something with hooves!  At first it sounds tiny, but over time it seems to sound as if it were getting bigger...

Things are getting funky around town though.  First it was the cats disappearing, then dogs.  Someone tries to snatch Bozo from his kennel in Marjory's family backyard, but the dog-napper is interrupted and gets away.  A few days later Michael has to rescue Stark for a tree, where Bozo has chased him and is menacing him.  He doesn't make the connection. 

Then kids start disappearing.  Then a couple teens having a "petting party" at the local lover's lane see someone carry off the body of a dead derelict.

Stark calls Michael up and asks him to come help him get a cabinet unstuck.  While he's working on the cabinet, he sees Stark apparently sneaking up on him with a huge mallet.  Caught, Stark makes an excuse ("thought you might need this").  Michael completes his task and gets the hell out of there. He goes home and decides to chill out with some light reading.  His choice for same is the German edition of Unaussprechlichen Kulten  ... um, yeah.

Anyway, after waking up all shook up from some Von Junzt-inspired nightmares he decides to call up Marjory and is told by her mom that M is supposed to be out on a date - with him!  "He" had called earlier and asker her to meet him at John Stark's place.  Finally putting two and two and four and a thousand together (he finally recalls that when Stark was creeping up on him with that mallet, he was fully mobile instead of his usual club-footed limp), he knows he must act!  He grabs a sword off his wall which has been in the Strang family for generations and once belonged to a mighty hero ancestor, because after all this is a Howard story, and heads off for Stark's.

Well down at Stark's he finds Bozo all beaten up but still brave, and Marjory all tied up. Stark nowhere to be found and that hoof-sounding thing is really making a racket upstairs.  Michael ungags Marjory who says they need to get the hell out of there like now BUT WAIT! First she has to tell Michael the whole story of what happened - for thirteen paragraphs!! So much for getting the hell out of there!  Anyway it seems Stark called her up, faking Michael's voice, asked to her to meet him at Stark's place, clobbered and tied her up and gagged her, and then proceeded to explain his whole evil plan in an epic monologue of comic-book villainy, complete with an "I might as well tell you everything since you're about to die anyway" bit.

So it seems Starky was experimenting with the usual black sorcery crapaloola that these types always get themselves into in Cthu stories, and he summoned something a "naked squalling thing" (Stark likes that phrase so much he uses it twice) from Out There, into this world.  And kept it as a pet upstairs. And it kept growing!   But he had to feed it - first cats, then dogs, then kids, then derelicts, and it just wanted more, more, more.  And since Horrible Monster from the Outer Darkness Chow hadn't been invented yet, he had to get meals for it or it was gonna eat him!  Plus it was controlling his mind now, anyway, so he hoped Marjory wouldn't take it personal that she was gonna be a monster's din-din.  

Anyway, the monster was making such a fuss upstairs Stark decides to go up to it and tell it was going to be fed soon, and then Marjory heard a horrible scream from upstairs and Stark never came back down.  And now can they get the hell out of these (she asks having just wasted thirteen paragraphs repeating every word Stark said during his Snidely Whiplash act).  

But NO!  Declares Michael, bravely puffing out his chest.  He MUST destroy the creature upstairs!  For the sake of the children!  So stride upstairs he does, chest out, sword in hand, Marjory sobbing "No Michael! No!" in the background.

Upstairs he hacks his way into the room and confronts the beastie, a bunch of tentacles with hooves - oh and little bits of Stark laying around the room, such as his head.  Michael does what any proper Howard hero would do and hacks the beastie to pieces, only to note that those pieces are turning into pools of black shining goop and then absorbing the Stark leftovers into bigger pools of black shining goop.  So he flees back downstairs, pursued by black shining goop, scoops up Bozo and Marjory, stops to set the house on fire and then stands outside with his girl and her dog, watching the place burn down.

Oh holy fuck.

You know the thing was I was actually enjoying this junk up until Michael ungags Marjorie and she starts into her ludicrous monologue.  It's cliched and obvious sure, but solidly written and though I knew right how the story would go, I was engaged enough to be interested in how it would get there.  I also dug the fact that the story was not a Lovecraft re-hash.  It was all mostly ordinary people in an ordinary Amurrican suburb, and could almost have been one of Richard Matheson's 50's "weirdness arrives in middle America" tales.  Editor Robert M. Price claims "we would not stray too far if we were to call it Howard's version of "The Dunwich Horror", but Price is a fucking idiot.  It's clearly influenced by "TDH", among other things.  

And then all of a sudden it turns into practically a parody of bad pulp writing, and of Howard's own tropes.  Stark's gut spilling and Michael's sudden burst of square-jawed heroism are flat-out hilarious. 

So, the makings of a decent Weird Tales tale ruined by some absurdly bad writing - Howard was capable of much better.











Sunday, September 29, 2024

"The Black Bear Bites" by Robert E. Howard

originally published From Beyond the Dark Gateway, April 1974 

Black John O'Donnell lies in hiding outside the mysterious house of Yotai Yun, on the outskirts of Hankow.  He's there to avenge a friend - Bill Lannon - who earlier infiltrated the house, looking into the sinister deeds of a sinister cult bent on world domination.  Lannon turned up dead soon after, and it wasn't a pretty death.  A fellow westerner, Eric Brand, had laughed at Lannon's plan.  It hadn't ended so funny.

O'Donnell gets in, clobbers some guards, finds they'e got a regular armory going, finds out he's been detected, listens in as Yotai Yun executes his most loyal servant and dumps him in the river, then listens in as Yotai Yun and The Black Lama, a mysterious hooded figure, blab about their big plan to conquer the world.  And about infiltrating a cult of Yog-Sothoth.

O'Donnell is found out and has to fight his way out, shooting Yotai and The Black Lama in the process.  It ain't looking good for him though, as he's outnumbered by Yotai's men.  But the authorities arrive just in time, and it turns out The Black Lama is Eric Brand!

This is basically an adventure tale with some Cthulhuvian in-jokes tossed in.  Not much to see here though the first part with O'Donnell hiding and spying is actually suspenseful and fun.




"The Abbey" by Robert E. Howard and C.J. Henderson

originally published Fantasy Crossroads 4/5, 1975

Our narrator, John O'Donnell, is wandering British woods when he comes across the "ruins" of what appears to be an ancient Saxon-built abbey, with a pool in front.  I say "ruins" because the place seems to be in fine shape.  Inside on a table he finds a letter written "in a feminine hand" - whatever that is!  Anyway, the letter is an earlier visitor's account of finding the abbey (except on their trip, the place was in ruins...) and getting bitten by a large toad-thingie that jumped out of the pool.  And afterwards the letter-writer's being plagued by weird dreams and croaking sounds.  Oh and there's a sketch of scourge on the margins of the letter.  Weird!

That's the extent of Howard's actual fragment.  From there, Henderson takes over.

O'Donnell is surprised by the entrance of skinny old priest, who chats with him amiably but obtusely and seems to know way too much about him.  When the priest's convo gets too weird, O'Donnell behaves as a proper R.E.H. hero should do - pulls a gun and shoots him.  To no noticeable effect!  The plugged priest pulls off his robe, revealing a pair of great wings.  O'Donnell shoots him some more and then stomps him to death, then runs out to the pool (noticing that the abbey is now a ruin again) and demands that whatever is in the pool come out and face him like a man!  Or a toad-thing!  Or whatever!

He starts throwing big rocks and stones into the water, exhausting himself.  That's when the sabre-toothed toad - as big as a boar! - comes out of the water and goes for him.  Poor O'Donnell is doomed!

Just then a bare foot from nowhere emerges and crushes the toad!  (Can I be forgiven for thinking this sounds a bit like the intro to Monty Python?) It turns out its the ghost/spirit of the young woman who wrote the letter.  She's been trapped there ever since.  And now O'Donnell has freed her.  P.S. she's naked and doesn't seem to mind.

Now - this part throws me ... did I miss something?  Because if her foot was big enough to completely crush something the size of a boar, she must've been pretty damn big!  But nowhere is this mentioned.  Did Henderson forget to mention it?  Did O'Donnell?  Am I just stupid?

Anyhoo, this is nothing to write home about.  I do find Howard's portion interesting, and find myself thinking that it would have made a decent opening to a short story or even a novella - the toad attack being the first bizarre incident of many more to come.  









Friday, March 31, 2023

"Strange Eons"

 by Robert Bloch 


originally published Whispers Press, 1978

Albert Keith is having such a weird time.  He finds a dust-covered painting in a cheapjack antiques/junk shop near his SoCal home.  Said painting, even under the dust and grime, is a striking depiction of a canine, clawed horror in the process of eating a dude's head off.  Albert buys it, takes it home, and cleans it up.  When his slightly overbearing pal Waverley sees it, he has an interesting observation: why, it looks exactly like the painting H.P. Lovecraft describes at the end of his story, "Pickman's Model"!  That's not all - there's a signature on the painting - "R. Upton" ... just like the aforementioned tale's subject, Richard Upton Pickman. 

Albert, however, has never even heard of Lovecraft.  Which is a little funky for a dude who collects creepy native art and shrunken heads!  

Waverley gets very curious about the painting, where the junk dealer got it, and what else he might have from that find.  They arrange a rendevous, but when they arrive, they find the junk shop closed.  But the back door is unlocked.  Someone has ransacked the guy's stockroom, and left him dead, his face almost completely gouged away.  Deciding they don't want to talk to the coppers, Waverley and Albert head back to Waverley's place, where Waverley makes the point that the antiques dealer's demise resembles that of a character in Lovecraft's "The Lurking Fear".  Hmmm.  What is going on here?  Back at Albert's pad, he finds his house has been broken into and, despite their being many valuables, the only thing taken is the painting.  Something more.  Waverley found a scrap of paper in the shop.  An old yellowed note to someone named "Upton".  Written in Lovecraft's handwriting and bearing his Providence address.

Waverely has learned there was indeed an artist named Richard Upton in Boston in the 20's.  arranges to visit a rare book dealer he knows of in Boston, named Beckman,  and check out the Boston-based warehouse source of the lot that included the painting.  Albert checks into a hotel, and Waverley gives him a stash of books by and about Lovecraft.  Albert digs into them.  That night he dreams about a phone call in which a voice on the other end tells him: "You fool - Beckman is dead."  Only it turns out this is no dream.

He manages to get Waverley on the phone to warn him.  Waverley sounds odd and congested and says he's broken his ankle.  He's on his way back to L.A., and wants Albert to meet him.  He's also sent him an envelope.  Albert's to bring it but not to open it.

Albert turns up and is let in by the hired nurse Waverley mentioned on the phone.  Waverley is bundled up in his study with a cast on his leg, dark glasses, hat, scarf over his face.  He opens the envelope and shows it is a hand-drawn map of some kind, executed by Lovecraft himself.  He explains that he's gotten to the bottom of the thing.  It's all a hoax.  Not unlike the letter Lovecraft once sent to author Robert Bloch, authorizing him to kill HPL in a story, signed by Abdul Alhazred, et al.  Albert isn't buying that - two guys are dead after all!  Seeming to have no other options, Waverley calls for the nurse who enters, holding a gun - and orders him to take the map back from Albert.  At that moment there's a fortuitous earthquake which levels the house - Albert comes to in the rubble, and finds the nurse out of action - for good - and one other thing - Waverley's gone but his hands and face are still sitting in his chair!  Albert hightails it back home through the disaster-ridden city, takes some pain-killers and a drink and contemplates what has happened.  There's obviously some crazy cult afoot!  

As Albert ponders all this, and realizes his own resemblance to one of HPL's typical characters - solitary, scholarly, plenty of time on his hands, heavily interested in spooky weird shit ... 

As he's pondering, he hears on television of a massive undersea quake in the South Pacific, near Tahiti et al.  Oh, and they give the L&L ... which rings a bell.  Looking at the map he got from "Waverley", he notes that its the exact location Lovecraft had marked on the map with an "X" and the word "R'lyeh".

So what does Albert do?

Well, the same thing anyone else would do, right?  Hightails it straight off for Tahiti!

Thanks to the quake, there's only one other passenger on the plane, Major Robert Abbott, late of the Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers (who sounds like he belongs in a Monty Python sketch - "dear sirs - I object to the content of that last sketch - why very few members of the British Army are miscegnated fish-people!  etc").  Anyway, after a few drinks Albert and Abbott are whooping it up like old buddies and the next thing you know, Albert's talking waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much.  He even asks Abbott is he's read Lovecraft (he hasn't - "is he a friend of yours?") and even gives him a copy of a Lovecraft collection - The Outsider no less!  Which would've fetched at least several hundred clams back in 1978, so that's a pretty nice loan!  Then tells him to get hold of him at his hotel tomorrow once he's read some of it (specifically, "The Call of Cthulhu") ("how do you pronounce that?" declaims Abbott).

The next day Abbott shows up, now dressed in Bermuda shorts, and, rather than asking Albert what kind of a nutcase is he and why's he having him read this loopy pulp sci-fi when he could have been curling up with the latest Destroyer novel - actually completely understands the implications of why Albert's come there (good on him cuz I wasn't entirely sure) and wants to help.  Oh yeah, and he can totally help - getting a boat, depth charges - everything he needs.  Won't be easy but he knows the country, the culture, and has them military connections - just leave it all to him.

Albert, who ain't too-itghtbray, says hooray and goes along with everything.  So the next thing you know they're on a Japanese "fishing" boat with a creepy little crew and a silent, taciturn captain, heading out to X marks the spot.  

And sure enough, there it is, sticking out of the ocean.   The black isle itself, all black rock, weird angles, creepy structures, bad fish smell.  Everyone gets out and heads up to the door, Albert intending to drop some boom-booms in for ol' tentacle face.  But as they get there, Abbott lets slip that he doesn't have the bombs.  Didn't bring them, in fact.  And no it wasn't just a mistake.  Its only then that Albert notices the crewmen are kind of ... fish-looking.  Too late for old Albert - he ends up a Cthooby Snack.

Back in L.A., Albert's ex-wife Kay, a model, gets the news that Albert fell off a Japanese fishing boat in the middle of the ocean while drunk, and drowned.  All of this sounds a bit odd to Kay, being as Albert didn't fish and didn't drink much, but the I.D. is without doubt and sworn to by witnesses (a certain retired British army major and a certain sketchy crew of a certain sketchy Japanese fishing boat), and anyway she inherits his house and his money (did I mention he was independently wealthy?).  Kay makes her way over to Albert's old pad, trying not to dwell too much on his weird fate, which brings up suppressed memories of her seeing a drowned bod dragged up out of the ocean when she was a tot.  While poking around Albert's house and starting to spook herself out, she gets an even bigger spook when someone turns out to be in the house!  Someone being Ben Powers, from Albert's bank, there allegedly doing an inventory for probate purposes.  After some awkward and wary conversation, Kay succumbs to Powers less-than-clear charms (I'd have kicked the sucker out!) and agrees to have dinner with him.  Over dinner he asks if she's ever read H.P. Lovecraft (she's never head of him).  Then drops the subject.

Later that night, Kay talks to the bank rep, Danton Heisinger, who tells her she couldn't have met Ben Powers.  Powers died of a heart attack two days prior. 

Heisinger gets with the police and asks questions, also filling Kay in a bit on Lovecraft and asking what possible connection he might have to Albert.  

Meanwhile, Kay's agent, Max Colbin, dispatches her to a photo shoot at the Starry Wisdom Temple.  She meets with Rev. Nye of the temple, a suave, very dark-skinned Caribbean(?) man who asks that she attend an introductory meeting, if only to understand more of the Temple's beliefs.  She notices a copy of Lovecraft's The Outsider in Nye's office.

Kay attends with her photographer Al Bedard in tow, and finds herself in a lecture which make the Lovecraft Mythos sound like the latest in New Age enlightenment. Prophesying apocalypse and the coming of a new age, Nye produces what appears to be the Shining Trapezohedron (c.f. "The Haunter of the Dark") and Kay finds herself in a semi-hallucinatory state, and sees handicapped people suddenly being healed.  

Next thing you know, Al is waking her up and taking her to the car, complaining about a phony faith-healing and light show.  On their way out, Kay spots the fellow who was posing as Ben Powers in the crowd.

Kay knocks herself out with some sleeping pills and wakes up late.  She decides to call Heisinger, and her agent and tell him she's not doing the photoshoot at the temple. But the line's dead.  Then there's a knock on the door.  It's the phone repair guy - seems the landlady already reported the problem.  Can he come in?

Oops!  When Kay opens the door, it's the Phony Ben Powers.  Who shoves his way in, reaches into his canvas tool bag and pulls out .... a Lovecraft book!  

Which he demands she read.  Now! He briefly explains that he had nothing to do with the real Powers death, but he is the one who cut her phone line.  And his real name's Mike Miller. And he's "not officially" a government agent.  And he'll explain more after she's read the book (which, incidentally, is The Outsider and Others - the first Arkham House book.  Damn!  Copies of that must have been easy to come by back in `78!  Last time I looked it was going for $5,000.  There were shit-tons of Lovecraft paperbacks floating around in the 70's.  How come none of these guys went for those??) - at which time he'll also restore her phone line.  He leaves.  But when she does the obvious thing and tries to flee the apartment, she finds there's a guy with a gun waiting right outside, telling her to get back in and start reading.

So, she sits down and reads a bunch of it.  Most of it, she says later.  Anyway, after several hours Mike shows back up, repairs her phone line, talks to her about the book, explains that Rev. Nye and the Temple are a nutty cult inspired by Lovecraft's fiction, gives one of Bloch's patented lectures on psychology (these are found in nearly every Bloch story, post WWII, and as far as I can tell, all of his novels.  See Psycho for example.  In any case while Bloch clearly had a strong interest in the subject, its clear that by `78 his thinking and knowledge was still firmly stuck in the 1950's), and enlists her aid in helping bust Nye.  They want her to go through with the photo shoot, hoping it will lead them to Nye's HQ.  They'll sub out Al with their own agent, Fred.

So Kay accepts the summons to a place off the Pacific Coast Highway, north of Malibu.  A private museum.  Set high, high on a cliff above a fog-shrouded bay, making Kay think of "The Strange High House in the Mist".  She and Fred are welcomed in the museum by a scruffy young guy (allowing for another Bloch trope - the patented rant against beatniks, hippies, and basically anyone young who subscribed to any sartorial, fashion or popular entertainment not approved of by Bloch, i.e. anything post WWII - see pretty much any story or novel written by him from 1945 on and you'll likely find a rant - jazz, rock, beatniks, hippies - Bloch disdained it all) and led to chamber full of huge statues of the Egyptian gods, and Rev. Nye in full regalia.  So Kay does her posing.  As they pack up to leave, the scruffy guy steps in and shoots Fred (just like the typical rock music fan he is - per Bloch!).  Kay is interrogated by Nye, who basically tells her the Temple is a sham, but the whole Great Old Ones thing is real.  And he has some need of her.  He intends to save her life, so he says.

Nye steps out, Kay clobbers the scruffy guy (who's a wimp and a dumbass on top of being a drug addict and a rock music fan - just like all rock music fans - per Bloch) and manages to escape via a trap door which leads her way, way, way down into a man-made underground cave - where she's attacked by rats! rats!  thouuuuuuuusands of rats! She finds her way into some high-tech cryo chambers where all manner of people, young and old, are preserved in weird cryo tanks.  But she can hear things moving in the halls, coming after her.  Things that flop and croak and howl...  she keeps running down corridors and tunnels, the things in pursuit, until she finally finds her way to the mouth of the tunnel, runs out, falls, and finds herself rescued by Mike, who gets them on a boat, dynamites the tunnels, and takes her to safety.  Where she awakes the next day.  In Washington (that's safety?).

It turns out Mike has now brought Kay into a super-secret, apparently government-run (which government?) operation that is pursuing the same possibilities - i.e. this may be the work of international criminals imitating Lovecraft's fictional ideas, but there are so many correspondences and prophecies coming true that its likely what Lovecraft was writing wasn't entirely fictional.  To that end, they're sending a nuclear-armed sub out to the site where R'lyeh is believed to have risen, to nuke Cthulhu in the event he actually is there (apparently none of them ever read Derleth's "The Black Island").

Kay (whose presence among what's otherwise a mix of apparently scientists, military personnel, et al - some are in suits, some are "hirsute" - Bloch hate-speech for anyone not properly clean-cut in his estimation - is not exactly clear - scientists, military men and ... a model?)  but she's put up "safely" and starts an affair with Mike for good measure.

While Mike goes off to take care of oh-fficial stuff for a couple of days, Kay is left in the "capable" hands of fellow agent Orin Sanderson, a soft-spoken southerner who seems just fine and mostly minds his own business.  The next day, Kay awakes from a disturbingly realistic dream about R'lyeh - and of Cthu's tomb being open - and empty.  Orin takes her via private plane allegedly to the R'lyeh site, telling her the mission has been accomplished.  But along the way, reveals that he is no longer Orin ("the exchange was made while he slept" - referring to the body exchanging process used in "The Thing on the Doorstep").  Kay is taken to Easter Island, where a horde of cultists, and Rev. Nye, enact a ritual that clearly is meant to involve Kay mating with a Great Old One. A tentacled horror is summoned, and Kay passes out as it takes her in its "arms".

25 years later.  An assassination attempt is made against the mayor of Los Angeles by someone likely a member of a terrorist organization called "The Black Brotherhood".  Junior reporter Mark Dickson is there.  After reporting to his editor/producer, he makes his way to visit his foster father, Judson Moybridge.  Their conversation is odd, as Moybridge denies there is such a thing as The Black Brotherhood and demands Mark stop poking into it.

It seems Moybridge wrote a book about the events of 1978, The Fall of Cthulhu, in which he outlined how a cult of crazies exploited fears aroused by a series of quakes and other natural disasters, and the sudden destruction of Easter Island via a nuclear explosion - actually the result of a nuclear test gone wrong - by attempting to link these events to H.P. Lovecraft's fiction.  The disasters soon stopped, the doomsayers were discredited, and Lovecraft's books went out of print and now can't even be found in reference libraries.  

Mark is unsettled by Moybridge's reaction,  He heads off to spend the night with his girlfriend - cue hot sex scene!  But that evening a monster quake arrives.  With the neighborhood literally falling apart, Mark and his GF cut across a cemetery to try to get to safety, but the graveyard is shrouded in fog and they are attacked by ghouls.  Mark loses his Gf - but eventually he does find what's left of her.  He makes his way to Moybridge's house but finds it ransacked, and finds Moyvridge's bod floating in the pool.  There Mark is taken by deep ones.

He awakes in a house in the Santa Cruz mountains, hosted by Nyarlathorep, who exposes Mark to the light of the Shining Trapezohedron as he explains.  

Moybridge's book was a lie.  An attempt to discredit the Lovecraft-was-telling-the-truth crowd and keep the world from discovering that Lovecraft actually was telling the truth.  Cthulhu was on the rise in 1978, and was given a setback by a nuclear blast which also took out Easter Island (oops!).  But you can't keep a good Cthulhu down.  Oh, and Nyarlathotep escaped the blast.  Along with Kay Keither.  Pregnant with the child of a Great Old One. And guess who that child grew up to be....?

And then, the Great Old Ones begin their return...

I've sometimes thought I'd like to write a Cthulhu Mythos novel, using all the tropes (people, places, things) somehow woven into one grand adventure.  Not because I think I'd produce such a great work of art - just that it would be fun to do.

Robert Bloch was a more accomplished writer than I'll ever be.  But I think his motivation here may have been pretty much the same.  Except also that Bloch knew Lovecraft, and in some ways I think this was meant as a loving tribute to his old mentor, as well as a chance to just have fun playing with all the Lovecraft-ian elements (interestingly, Bloch never once invokes his own additions to the Mythos, Ludvig Prinn et al).

The whole book can be taken as a kind of meta-fictional homage a Lovecraft, with deliberate references to "Pickman's Model", "The Lurking Fear", "The Statement of Randolph Carter", "The Whisperer in Darkness", "The Haunter of the Dark", "The Strange High House in the Mist", "The Shunned House", "The Rats in the Walls", "Cool Air", "The Thing on the Doorstep", "The Dunwich Horror", et al.

This is a fun read, but it isn't prime Bloch, which is too bad.  Becuase if it was, it could have been one hell of a ride.  As it is, its still entertaining, with some stumbling along the way.  

The Lovecraft story references start out clever but get heavy-handed, perhaps because he crams too many of them into the first 80 pages or so.  The "Randolph Carter" bit in particular could have been handled less clumsily.  The whole constantly forcing someone to read Lovecraft's writings - couldn't they just tell them about it? - borders on comical.  So is Miller's enlisting of a civilian (Kay) to help with a sting like this - I couldn't help but think of Tony Perkins putting on Tuesday Weld in Pretty Poison. The secret cabal section is pretty damn dull until the climax.  And it takes up about 35 pages! The final portion feels rushed and inconclusive.  While its handled deftly, we're still already set up to suspect who Mark really is, coming in from the last story.  A bit of misdirection would have helped a lot.  Too much of the novel reads like Bloch's 50's-60's suspense/crime novels and not enough of it creeps into horror territory.

On the other hand, there are winning moments where Bloch old mastery shines through.  Kay's chase down the darkened tunnels is effectively suspenseful and creepy, and Bloch evokes the (likely) Deep Ones while still keeping them creepy and offscreen.  Mark and his girls' run through the fog-enshrouded, ghoul-haunted graveyard is a triumph. 

All in all, Strange Eons is a fun and worthwhile read, but no classic.





Tuesday, October 26, 2021

"Discovery of the Ghooric Zone"

 by Richard Lupoff  

originally published Chrysalis, August 1977

It's March 15 2337 and the starship Khons with its crew of nymphomaniac cyborgs is bouncing around Pluto when they discover Yuggoth and its satellite/neighbors Thog and Thok, Lovecraft's "Ghooric Zone".  The date is significant, being the day of HPL's death.  One crewmen is versed in Lovecraftian and wonders how HPL could have known of these planets in his time.  They make a landing on Thog.  There they find terrifying cyclopean ruins straight out of "At the Mountains of Madness".  To their dismay, they also find shoggoths...

This is a pretty friggin' weird story, written in a cinematic style that abruptly cuts from scenes of the main tale to scenes from the history of earth in future centuries to the moment of Lovecraft's demise and its place in history.  The endless descriptions of the cyborg crew get tiresome and silly, end even moreso their sexual antics, which seem like 70's era attempts at shock now.  That being said the exploration of Thog, which accounts for the final couple pages, are pretty damn evocative but I wish the two dozen that preceded it had been as interesting.  



Saturday, May 8, 2021

"Sticks"

 by Karl Edward Wagner 


Originally published Whispers #3, March 1974


Colin Leverett is an artist, apparently associated with the pulps ala Weird Tales.  In 1942, he's on a fishing trip in the Adirondacks, preparing to ship off to the Big War.  

He comes across a collection of bizarre formations built from sticks, surrounding a collapsing, dilapidated old house in the middle of nowhere.  Inside the walls are covered with drawings similar to the stick formations.  In the darkened basement, he finds a mummified corpse.  A very lively one, which proceeds to grab him.  Leverett lashes out with his only weapon, an iron frying pan, bashes the thing's head in and runs for it.

Leverett goes off to war, never telling a soul about the encounter or the house.  He comes back, establishes himself as an artist.  Still haunted by his experience, his work becomes more morbid and disturbing, and his career falters.  He remains alone.

Now in the 1970's, he's contacted by an old pulpster colleague, Prescott Brandon, now head of an Arkham House-ish publisher called Gothic House, who's in the process of putting together a three-volume collection of the works of pulp horror author H. Kenneth Allard, an old fave of Lev's, who seems to be (unsurprisingly) Lovecraft-ish.  Brandon wants Lev to take off the gloves and really give him something potent, and different.  Leverett starts including the stick formations, based on sketches he made back in the old house in 1942.  Brandon is thrilled by the drawings and writes him asking where the stick formations came from.  Leverett finally tells the tale of finding the stick formations and the old house, though he omits the encounter in the basement, which he now has convinced himself was a hopeless derelict whom he killed out of shock and fear after being grabbed.

Brandon is intrigued by the stick formations and the story and relays the whole thing to a friend of his, an archaelogist named Alexander Stefroi who's studying ancient, bronze-age megalith structures found in the US, which he believes are connected to an ancient cult that worshiped "The Old Ones".  A cult that is not defunct, either, since these sites have been linked to a cult active in the 1700's, whose members had their bodies preserved on stone tables in anticipation of being revivified by the "Old Ones" upon their return.  Lev is now starting to freak out.

Lev makes his way back to the Adirondacks, but the house and the stick structures are all now gone, seemingly washed away in floods long ago.  He writes to Stefroi about his non-findings.  Stefroi writes back that he is disappointed but not surprised.  The Mann Brook area is "weird and wild country," he writes, "and doubtless there is much we shall never know."  Then he drops the bomb.  Three nuts broke into Brandon's office, and murdered him viciously. Police figure they were drug addicts, but Lev has his own suspicions.  Not long before, Brandon had written that he was getting some odd and uncomfortable inquiries about Lev's art, and particularly the stick formations depicted therein.

Soon after Lev receives an unexpected visit.  Dana Allard, a previously unknown nephew of H. Kenneth.  With a briefcase full of previously unknown Allard stories, which he intends to publish himself, due to Brandon's unfortunate demise.  And he wants Lev to illustrate this collection, too.  No holds barred. Lev naturally can't turn the job down.  He goes to work.

Still, the work, the stories, the revelations and the murder haunt him.  He begins to have strange dreams involving the old house, the sticks, and the mummified thing, which still has its head caved in from being whacked with that iron pan. He gets a frantic letter from Stefroi- it seems he has found not only a profound megalithic site, surrounded by stick structures, and a still-active cult connected to it.  He intends to make contact with them and interview them about their beliefs and practices.  

And then Stefroi turns up dead, crushed beneath a huge rock at the megalith site.

Lev is now starting to seriously freak out. Especially after he wakes from a nightmare about joining a human sacrifice and finds himself covered in blood and with a heart still in his hand.  Ack!!

Lev makes his way to Dana's place to tell him they don't dare publish the book.  The cult is obviously trying to suppress info and will doubtless come after both of them.  Dana tells him he's overwrought, plus its too late.  He's got pallets full of copies in the basement, ready to ship off tomorrow.  In fact, he'll autograph a copy.  Lev's head is still spinning when Dana hands him his signed copy, and he notices its been autographed "H. Kenneth Allard".  And H. Kenneth explains that, far from suppressing the book, Lev's illustrations will help to spread the power of the Old Ones by embedding it in the imaginations and consciousness of readers everywhere.  And he brings in a friend of his, Althol, whom Lev has met before, back before the war.

Ohmanohmanohman. My first encounter with Karl Edward Wagner was in a very essential anthology from 1980, Dark Forces, which introduced me to authors such as Dennis Etchison, T.E.D. Klein, Isaac Bashevis Singer, Russell Kirk, Charles L. Grant, Manly Wade Wellman and, yepper, Karl Edward Wagner.  Not just their stories therein, but the lengthy story introductions that provided me with a reading list that carried me through the 80's.  It was the intro to Karl's story that made me aware of the Kane books (woohoo!) and "Sticks", which I then came across about a year later in the First World Fantasy Awards anthology which I found at my local library (woohoo!!).  "Sticks" is Wagner's most famous story and deservedly so, cause he hits every checkbox.  It's funny (lots of sly in-joke humor for the Weird Tales devotee), and legitimately spooky/scary in the best way.  Not in the grim, gruesome, I-think-I'll-go-kill-myself manner of too much modern horror fic (although at 40+ years old, I suppose "Sticks" isn't "modern" anymore), but in the way that, well ... here I was re-reading this the other day at lunchtime in my bright, sunlit house on a warm (80+) late spring day, with birds singing and kids playing loudly in the schoolyard behind my house, and I still felt the chill as the noose began to close in on poor Colin Leverett.  

What can I say - I wish there were more like this out there.  Wagner, at his best, was one of the best.  RIP.







Wednesday, October 21, 2020

"The Little People"

 by Robert E. Howard

originally published Coven 13, January 1970

Our Narrator is on a tour of Europe with his sister, Joan, who's 17 and full of herself - when we first meet her she's tossing a volume of Arthur Machen across the room cuz it's stupid.  She doesn't believe that the aboriginal "little people" still haunt ancient Britain - not even the megaliths in sight from the hotel they're staying at.

O.N. wakes from a nightmare involving the vision of a robed figure, goes to check on Joan and finds she went for a late-night stroll among the fens.  Going out looking for her, he finds her - just in time for a bunch of "the little people" to go after her, chasing her as she runs towards the megaliths.

Just as the little `uns are about to have their way with her, the spirit of a druid - the same robed figure that appeared in O.N.'s dream, appears and drives the little horrors off.

This is seriously slight, even silly, little trifle.  The only plus being Joan who's actually a lively character, and sketched quickly and effectively.




Friday, October 11, 2019

"Dead Giveaway"

by J. Vernon Shea 
originally published Outre #1, May 1976

It is a weird Halloween in this New England town.  Mary Peabody, local kook, gets eaten by her own undead brother.  Charlotte Carmody, local widow, finds her son's corpse on the porch.  Emil Weiskopf, local Nazi war criminal in hiding, is killed by a skeleton.  A gang of thugs, local assholes, come across an underground ritual held by Innsmouthers.

This is a sort-of sequel to Shea's "Haunter of the Graveyard" and, like that earlier tale, its kind of cute, spooky fun.  The writing is plain and unflashy but professional, what I call straight fiction magazine style writing.  Workmanlike, but nothing to complain about.  It's no classic but it is an enjoyable enough read.







Tuesday, October 8, 2019

"The Whisperers"

by Richard A. Lupoff
originally published Fantastic, September 1977

Mario Cipolla and Annie Epstein work for the Millbrook High school paper, and have a chance to interview the hottest rock group around, The Whisperers, before their show at San Francisco's Winterland.

The Whisperers are apparently a synth/vocal duo, and all their songs are about the Great Old Ones, etc.  Mario and Annie watch their sound check and Mario starts to feel weird.  During the interview, The Whisperers tell Mario that they are using the concert audience as part of a ritual to unleash The Great Old Ones.

Pretty superficial stuff that mostly shows Lupoff knew the local mainstream rock scene in SF in the 70's.  Somewhat prophetic in imagining a synth/vocal duo, but the idea that such an outfit singing about obscure occultisms would get critical acclaim and hits is a bit much for this rock fan to swallow.  



"The Horror on the Beach"

by Alan Dean Foster
originally published Shroud Publishers, 1978

David Corfu buys himself a ranchero on the California coast:  Caso de Rodrigo de Lima, on the beach in Cabrillo Cove.  Dave is an oil engineer working on a project.  The house is big, old, historic and isolated.  He only has two neighbors - the Birches, and Joshua Whipple, an eccentric old beachcomber.

Things quickly turn weird.  The house has a bad rep.  The locals think its evil ("may god have mercy on your soul," one tells him).  Dave and his wife hear weird drumming sounds coming from the beach at night.  Martin Birch has heard the drums too, and notes they've become more frequent since the Corfus arrived.

Dave learns that de Lima was rumored to have made deals with the devil, and so frightened the local Yani Indians that they stormed the ranchero one night - and somehow de Lima, his wife, kid, and some servants wiped out the entire tribe.  They maintained their bad rep until they finally left the place in 1889 - and its stood empty ever since!

There are problems on the project, leading to an uncontrollable oil spill.  The local cops are aware of the night drumming but seem uninterested.  David's wife tells him it feels like the house moves in rhythm to the music.

David is awakened by a call from Martin, who's in some kind of dire emergency, warning him to grab the wife and kid and clear out ("my god - what an abomination!" he shouts) he hears Martin and his family scream, and the sound of glass shattering and more.  The cops come, and with David, find the Birches house obliterated and no sign of Birch, his wife, or his two kids.  They also don't seem terribly interested.  Josh Whipple tells David he's clearing out and suggests they do the same.  And he mentions some odd things.  Like something called Cthulhu.

Dave goes to see Pedro Armendariz, a Prof. of biochemistry.  When he hears the name Cthulhu dropped, Pedro gets a-larmed.  He knows quite a bit about such things, it seems.  And he urges David to get the wife and kid and come stay with him.  Advice which David, again, ignores.

That night at the house, Cthulhu tears the house down while they hide out in the wine cellar.  And he eats the family's Siamese cat (the bastard!)

The next morning they head out to Pedro's place, and he explains the usual Mythos stuff.  He believes there's a cult trying to loose Cthu on the world (thus the drums at night) and that they must take action.  He's enlisted Major Gomez at the nearby missile base to help.  With an army regiment in tow, they surround the cultists in mid-ritual.  Pedro interrupts their summoning with a counter-spell.  Joshua turns out to be the leader, his body covered in symbols burned or etched into his skin ("it was the very first time Dave had seen Joshua Whipple with his clothes off" - I guess Dave was in the habit of seeing his neighbors naked?).  Cthu arrives, then leaves, taking Whipple with him and wiping out most of the beach.  The cultists are rounded up by the army.

This is a weird story that somehow managed to veer between good and bad writing (it's full on non-sequitors like "it was the very first time Dave had seen Joshua Whipple with his clothes off", and decent and embarrassingly corny plotting.  Plus its weirdly structured, with sudden and abrupt jumps in time that make it initially hard to follow.  The penultimate scene with the family hiding out in the cellar while Cthu slaps his tentacles around is pretty effective, but in the end, Foster has reduced Lovecraft's cosmic god to a 50's B-movie monster, a feeling confirmed when the army saves the day (and since when are civilians able to persuade army regiments to go into action?).  A fun read but kind of stupid.














Sunday, August 25, 2019

"The Doom of Yakthoob"

by Lin Carter

originally published The Arkham Collector #10, September 1971

Abdul Alhazred tells us of his youth when he was apprenticed to a Saracen wizard named Yakthoob.  His best bud was a fellow apprentice, Ibn Gazoul.  They complain to Yakthoob because he's not letting them summon the biggest, most powerful demons.  Yakthoob tells them this will require the sacrifice of a soul - or the use of a rare elixir which can be purchased in Babylon.  He sends them there.

Ibn and Abdul return from Babylon with the potion.  Yakthoob summons the demon.  But it eats him.  It seems Ibn spent the money he gave them to buy the potion on booze and whores, and had subbed red wine for the elixir.

A humorous Clark Ashton Smith riff, and a complete throwaway.






"The Kiss of Bugg-Shash"


by Brian Lumley
originally published Cthulhu 3: Tales of the Cthulhu Mythos, Spectre Press, 1978

Ray Nuttall and Bart Alan, the protagonists of "Demoniacal", run off to find an occultist to help them get rid of The Black One, which they accidentally conjured up in the earlier story.  They get stuck with Thomas Millwright, and apparently third-rate expert with a questionable rep (mercifully, Titus Crow and Henri Laurent DeDoormat are still MIA since Crow's house got blown away, so we are at least spared Crow's insufferable presence).

Millwright educates da boyz that The Black One is Bugg-Shash, another Great Old One and, needless to say, bad news all around.  And he won't leaver until he gets someone to slobber slime all over and thus kill, an attack known as his "kiss".

Millwright spends some time researching in The Usual Books and then the three flit back to Ray's flat to do an exorcism.  Which apparently works.  But, while leaving, Millwright warns them that the banishment is only "unto death", but fails to explain what that might mean....

Ray and Bart return to their normal lives, until one night, Bart shows up with the news that Millwright has been killed in an accident.  What was that thing about "unto death"?  They soon find out as Millwright, now a zombie under control of Bugg-Shash, shows up, and 
Buggsy finally gets his kiss.

For whatever reason, Lumley's was hugely inspired by Sutton's "Demoniacal" and felt compelled to write this sequel.  "Demoniacal" was an okay story and so is this one, and the ending has an amusing E.C. comics feel to it (which is really Lumley's strong point anyway).  Nothing special here but nothing awful either.







"Demoniacal"

by David Sutton
originally published New Writings in Horror and the Supernatural Vol. 2, Sphere, 1972

Bart Alan and Ray Nuttall are sitting around the pub, having a few pints, and debating a new rock album by prog-rock band Fried Spiders, which happens to include on one of it's tracks an actual invocation of demonic forces, drawn from an actual tome of black sorcery.  Ray thinks this is pretentious shit, which he would know since he seems to be pretentious shit himself.

So, Ray suggests they go back to his place and play the album.  And, back at his place, Ray, being a pretentious shit, produces a copy of the very actual tome of black sorcery the Spiders used on their song.  Except that this invocation is actually complete.  Ray suggests that he and Bart give it a whirl.

The whirl actually works and Ray and Bart end up slimed by a many-tentacled and many-mouthed gloop monster called The Black One, which they manage to get away from - but then Ray realizes that he forgot to draw a pentagram to contain the beastie - meaning its running around loose!

What makes a mythos story?  Well, there's about ten bazillion different opinions about that and all of them are wrong.  That includes mine.  I would say this isn't - yes it's clearly Lovecraft-influenced, but there's nothing particularly linking it to anything Lovecraftian - hate to break this to ya, but the whole concept of dummies fooling around with black magic and accidentally summoning some baddie did not originate with HPL.

One unique aspect of the Mythos as it were is that some stories have become part of it after the fact; that is, some part of a story not originally intended as part of the Lovecraft scene have been incorporated into later stories that most assuredly were - Lovecraft himself did this a bunch - thus, effectively, conscripting (or perhaps press-ganging) them into the Mythos.

So it is with this obscurity, which so impressed Brian Lumley that he wrote a direct sequel - "The Kiss of Bugg-Shash".  And in case any of you are wondering, yes I'll be reviewing "Kiss" forthwith, fifthwith even, so keep yer socks on.

As to "Demoniacal", all I can say is its an amusing, tongue-in-cheekish bit with nothing really for or against it.  Not sure why Lumley found it so inspiring but nonetheless, he did.










Saturday, July 27, 2019

"Those Who Wait"

by James Wade

originally published The Dark Brotherhood Journal No.2, 1972

Our unnamed narrator tells us of his time at Miskatonic U, where he was fortunate enough to have a cool roommate named Bill Tracy, and to meet a pair of creeps named Renaunt and Peterson at the library, digging through the rare occult books.  We know their creeps, because they've left a note laying around talking about summoning Ithaqua!

Bill Tracy fills in our narrator on Renaunt and Peterson's creephood.  Despite this, when he runs into them the next day, and is invited to join them in looking at some ruins in the nearby woods, even though "every dormant intuition cried out loud" against going - he goes!

They traipse out to the remains of a tower on an island in a lake and - surprise! - knock him out.  He comes to.  Just as they're about to sacrifice him in order to open the gates for the GOO, and already have summoned up a giant, gaping tentacled mouth, who should come to the rescue but Bill Tracy, star-stones in hand!  Brave Bill gets himself killed in the process, but before exiting manages to tell our narrator not to go to the cops (!) but to Prof. Sterns.  

UN hunts down Sterns who of course believes him instantly, makes him read a bunch of Mythosian quotes, and drags him to a private plane - along with a mysterious figure in a hat, coat, and scarf over his face who never speaks - and heads off to the woods of Maine to stop an All Hallow's Eve ritual.  

After a close brush with Ithaqua, they arrive, and the mysterious silent stranger doffs his clothes, revealing himself to be a pillar of fire.  Together, they spoil the party.

Jeezus.  Author James Wade has confessed that he was all of 16 when he wrote this little stinky puff.  He himself described it as "The Rover Boys at Miskatonic U" and that's close enough.  To give fair credit the writing itself is more than competent, and impressive coming from a 16 year old.  That's not good enough to save it from its own ridiculousness, but if you're up for a laugh it's fun, and I've seen worse come from the pens of far more accomplished authors than the teenage Wade (Derleth, Bloch, Lumley ….)














Thursday, September 13, 2018

"In the Vale of Pnath"

by Lin Carter
originally published Nameless Places, Arkham House, 1975

Eibon seeks the secret ingredient for the Ygthar Elixir.  According to the records of Zon Mezzamalech, its something called the Glund Fluid.  But none of Eibon's researches tell him what this Glund Fluid is.

Traveling to the Peaks of Throk, he learns that the Fluid is drawn from a giant, tortured living brain!

Another Smith pastiche from Carter.  Less inspired than some others.




Saturday, September 8, 2018

"Shaggai"

by Lin Carter
originally published Dark Things, Arkham House, 1971

Eibon keeps summoning a demon named Pharol to answer a question about a passage in the Pnakotic Manuscripts.  Pharol keeps telling him he must talk to "the Dweller in the Pyramid".   

After visiting several other worlds, including Yuggoth, Eibon learns that he must journey to Shaggai, a planet everyones afraid of.

On Shaggai, he finds a gigantic pyramid, wherein the hieroglyphs and sigils and pictographs freak him out, and he finds a giant, white, luminescent dhole-thing eating slowly away at the planet.  He flees in horror.

An evocative but rather pointless bit of Smith-iana.






Sunday, April 22, 2018

"The Utmost Abomination"

by Lin Carter
originally published Weird Tales, Fall, 1973

Eibon recalls how he was once apprenticed to Zylac, after his pops was done by the priesthood of Youndeh.
Zylac has an unfortunate obsession with the magical writings of the serpent-men, and learns to read their language in order to study their writings.  Eibon finds this creepy.

Evidently, he's got a point, since Zylac ends up transforming into a giant snake-thing before being killed.

Very minor Ashton-Smithia from Mssr. Carter.
 

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

"The Stairs in the Crypt"

by Lin Carter

originally published Fantastic, August 1976


Avalzaunt the necromancer dies, and his mummified bod is interred in a crypt.  However, a few years later, life returns and he becomes a living dead thing.

 Avalzaunt enslaves the local ghouls, and sends them on errands of vengeance.  Eventually, he finds a way out of the crypt and begins to participate himself.  

One night he attacks the Abbott of Carmotha, and is slain with a ceremonial dagger which destroys the undead.

A minor but actually quite humorous bit of Smith-ian grue.