by Clark Ashton Smith
Originally published Weird Tales, November 1931
Satampra Zeiros and his buddy Tirouv Ompallios are thieves living in the city of Uzuldaroum, current capital of Hyperborea. Lately the thieving business hasn't been so hot, and they're down to just enough cash to get drunk in the hopes it will inspire a new heist scheme. So that's what they do.
The booze kicks in and Satampra does indeed come up with a plan. A day's journey away is the former capital, Commorium. It seems Commorium was completely abandoned (in a single day!) centuries ago, and is now a ghost-city, slowly being absorbed into the surrounding jungle, a place everyone is afraid to go. So afraid that the treasures of the old kings and such are still there, gathering dust. Why don't they go snag it?
Agreeing this is an excellent idea, the two best buds head out the next day and head for Commorium, stealing from everyone they meet. Finally their path takes them into an increasingly thick and menacing jungle, where everything's extreme - trees, flowers, and even beasties that watch them as they make their way through the creepers into Commorium. The jungle is so dark and spooky that they start to get a little freaked out, so they get drunk again on some stolen booze and are soon convinced nothing can stand in their way. So even though its dark when they arrive at Commorium, they plow on ahead.
Commorium is well=preserved but utterly empty. They explore the deserted streets until coming across a non-desrcipt square building they recognize as a temple. Must be good stuff in there! They head in.
The temple turns out to be a temple to Tsathoggua, and contains nothing but an unadorned stature of Toad Boy and a big-ass metal basin on three legs sitting in the middle of the room. While looking over that statue and getting pissed at its lack of bejewelment, they begin to notice a nasty stink coming from the basin. Unwisely deciding to go look, they find it full of black gloop - which seems to be moving. The gloop suddenly forms itself into a liquid monster with "malignant" eyes which comes slithering out after them. Wisely, S and T decide the thing to do is run like hell.
They flee all night, with the monster chasing and seemingly toying with, them. By dawn they realize they've been running in a circle as they arrive back at the temple. Seeing no better choice, they run inside and slam and bolt the door. But the gloop monster finds some holes to slither in through, and now it's back in the (now-locked) room with them. Satampra shouts "farwell, Tirouv Ompallios" - which translates into "you're on your own sucker!" and hides behind the statue. Tirouv, having no other choices, tries to hide in the basin. The gloop monster transforms itself into one big mouthy shape and swallows him, then goes to sleep in the basin.
After noting that it hasn't moved or made a sound for awhile, Satampra decides to split, sneaking over to the door and shooting the bolt - which makes enough noise to wake the gloop, which launches a tentacle, grabbing Satampra's wrist as he tries to flee. He manages to escape - but now minus a hand.
What makes this little fable work is Smith's flowery language, his ability to vividly conjure up fantastic imaginary worlds and scenes, and his sarcastic humor. Satampra is your basic classic loveable scumbag, and his willingness to throw his beloved boon companion under the bus at the first sign of being eaten by a cosmic gloop monster is priceless. Not much plot here but a lot of fun!
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